The waiting game.

Likely everyone reading this post is hoping that we have some good news. Unfortunately, that is not the case. In my last post I mentioned that Children's Bridge sends out a monthly newsletter giving updates on each of the countries they facilitate adoptions from. The last few months I have dreaded receiving the update in our email inbox. The reason for my dread is that I am scared to open the email and read that families have received their child proposal when obviously we have not. The May update arrived and I had mixed emotions when I read that no referrals arrived that month. Deep down I had hoped that meant that there would definitely be referrals in June and that we would receive one. Normally the updates come on the last day of the month or sometimes a few days later so when I came home last night and checked my email I was surprised to see the Children's Bridge update waiting for me. As I opened it I hoped that once again there were no referrals this month since obviously we didn't receive one. Much to my dismay, I read that two families had received their referrals. My heart sank and I fought off tears. As much as you try not to get your hopes up, you obviously do. And after a busy and stressful week it was the last thing I wanted to read. I really tried to be happy for the two families that now have the information they have been waiting for. They have likely been doing the same thing we have every month when the newsletter comes out. But it is very hard in that moment to not be jealous and mad that your name is not printed in that email. So many thoughts go through your head.

Why not us?
I thought we were second on the list?
Were there no boy referrals?
When will the next set of referrals come?
Are we going to have to wait another 2 months?

An amazing friend that I talked to after reading the email said, "It will happen when it's supposed to. Those two children weren't meant for you. And four extra weeks (or however long it ends up being), although agonizing, will seem like a distant memory when you get that file of the child that was meant for your family."
So for right now, I am just repeating that in my head over and over and hoping that the next monthly update has our name printed on it.